Name: Sumea Mujnovic
Address: ........
Phone number: ........
Email: ......
Singapore, 09th of December
2012
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Dear, Sir
RE: CHQ-0489480
I am sending my resume in application for the position of HR Generalist
at IBM Romania, as advertised on the IBMs website.
I am a self-motivated,
efficient and diplomatic human resourcer with two years of volunteer experience
in the industry and I believe my strengths and skills make me a perfect fit for
this position.
In my currently working on my bachelors degree in Sociology and I have
worked in AIESEC, a student run organization for a year. Where I have
experience as a Project Manager Incoming Exchange Non-corporate and Vice
President for Incoming Exchange Non-corporate. One huge part of the job was my commitment
to staff relations by taking the time to listen to complaints and deal with
issues, resulting in a 80 per cent reduction in personal leave in my department.
I was also working with requirement of new qualified members. I am highly conceptualized,
having maintained efficiency and even accepted an extra half workload on top of
my own duties.
Earlier this year I coordinated an evaluation of personnel management
practices and reviewed all job descriptions against actual work being done.
This resulted in employees reacting favorably to having their voices heard, and
to HR offering a more supportive workplace.
I received many high distinctions in my studies in sociology since it
gives me a new perspective on how to look at other people and the society we
are living in, and combined with AIESEC it has given me Workplace Training. I
developed a greater understanding of how Human Resource departments works, developed
outstanding interpersonal and communicational skills and made me more
structured and organized to reach my goals.
I would like the opportunity to meet and discuss how I can contribute to
the productivity and effectiveness of your business. Thank you for considering
my application. I look forward to hearing from you.
Yours sincerely
Sumea
Mujnovic
Feel free to tell me if I should have done something differently!
Feel free to tell me if I should have done something differently!
Hi Sumae,
SvarSlettI like the example of you illustrating your experiences in personnel management practices. This is helpful for the application letter as it relates to the job scope of a HR generalist. The fact that you mentioned how your education can assist in your career is also a plus point. The various leadership positions that you hold will improve your visibility and add credit to your portfolio of achievements.
Relating to the tutorial today as to how do you market yourself, I believe that there are still rooms for improvement.
Firstly, I think you need to do more research about the company you are applying to and display interest in joining them. By conducting research, you will appear to be genuine about the job application. This will boost your credibility as a candidate.
Secondly, you can consider including your personal aspirations in the application letter. This will give the recruiter the impression that you will take the initiative and search for opportunities within the company to attain your goals. I think many HR recruiters like this attribute.
Thirdly, you should further illustrate your capability in managing HR related roles. This should be done in a persuasive manner in order to influence the recruiter's impression.
Another point to consider is the inclusion of your networking skills. This will indicate your level of interpersonal and communications skills which I feel is important to HR generalist.
Lastly, I think you need to be more careful about the grammatical errors in the letter. HR recruiters will be recruiting candidates to represent their company and it is imperative for them to select one that is well verse in the english language.
I think that is all for now. Do feel free to message if you need have any doubts. Anyway, great effort!
Thank you for your feedback Bernard!
SvarSlettBut I was wondering what do you mean by you second part. Include mu personal aspirations?
Third: I don't have much at this point to illustrate it with.
And the some is with inclusion of my networks skills, can you elaborate more on that one.
Also what kind of grammar mistakes are you thinking of? I´m really blind to my own mistakes, so if you would just point out some of them?
I really appreciate your feedback.
Hi again,
SvarSlettI wrote the comment as I speak and maybe I was not clear in my explanation. Nonetheless, I shall give you some examples to illustrate my points.
(1)Personal aspiration: Perhaps you can indicate your interest in being more than a HR generalist but a HR professional. For example, you can say "I intend to become a HR professional in an established organisation such as yours where I can continue to hone my ability to communicate with people. This is important as I want to become a talent recruitment specialist in future". (I am not sure if this is helpful to you or not)
(2)HR related role: You can join in recruitment committee within AIESEC or your university student club and gain the experiences relating to recruitment. My previous Civil Engineering club has a committee that specialises in recruitment.
(3)Network skills: What i meant was that you need to illustrate networking ability which i think is essential for a HR executive. For example you can say' "During my stay at AIESEC as a project manager, I worked with people from XXX and established a network of people who are capable of......"
(4)Grammar:
(i)I am sending my resume in THE application OF the position.....
(ii)I am currently pursuing a degree in Sociology in XXX university. During my school term, I joined AIESEC, a student run organisation, as a project manager where I displayed my ability in.....
(iii)I HAVE received many high distinction in my study of sociology. Sociology has taught me.....
(iv)I HAVE developed an understanding of how human resource department works.
(v)AIESEC HAS developed my interpersonal and communication skills which makes me.....
Hi Sumea,
SvarSlettI tried to put myself in the position of an application reviewer and I appreciated your work. You have valuable strengths and experience which are suitable for the position. However, the letter would be more effective if you express in more details about your experience and emphasize your dedication to the position.
Here are some points I noticed from your letter:
-- You may specify about the industry where you did volunteer works and highlight some valuable experiences you got from this chance.
-- I think it should be a typo: "...a student run organization for a year. Where I have experience as a..." --> "...a student run organization for a year, where I have experience as a..."
-- "80 per cent" --> "80 percents"
-- "One huge part of the job" --> I think it seems to be a little bit informal. You may use "one highly important part of the job"
-- In the third and fifth paragraph, you illustrated your strengths impressively but to make the points even stronger, you may want to emphasize the relation between your experience and the job requirements
-- You may include which university you are studying in